I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
