the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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