Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
