Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
