Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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