I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
