After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
