they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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