Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
