Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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