i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
