All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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