I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
