I cockslap morals
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
