Your tits are I can't wait for
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
