He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize