my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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