i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
