3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
