wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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