It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
