How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
