I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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