ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
