i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
