I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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