I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
