I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
