is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
