He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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