Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This house was built for laser tag.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
