I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
