I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
