I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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