"it" just moved
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
