Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
