I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
