I just threw up on my dentist
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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