Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need water and some morals
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
