Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
