nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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