she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
