these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
