you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
