You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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