How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
