Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
