So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
