The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
