32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
