White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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