ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
