If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
