I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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