doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
