so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
