I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
