I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
