I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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