i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
