so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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