Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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