Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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