when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
